You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Text me some of your sweat
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
