he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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