some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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