No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
