do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize