Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Heβs disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
