dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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