I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That accounts for only three of the penises
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
