I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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