I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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