I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
