is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
