I cannot find my penis.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
