what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
