sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
