she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Randomize