That's when you crack a 10am beer
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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