He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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