I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
But break dance skills will only take you so far
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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