Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize