Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
