hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
