When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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