she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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