shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
