Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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