jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
