Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
