Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
