At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
