...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
