remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
