I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
