I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
