Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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