Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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