Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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