peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
