Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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