Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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