I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
