did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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