Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
