As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
