i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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