9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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