if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
