For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
