There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
