does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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