You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
