i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
