Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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