i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
