Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
