I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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