remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
