I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So vagazzling was a success
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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