Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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