yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
