Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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