anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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