Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
