yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
