Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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