I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
