I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize