I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
only if we run a train.
done.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
