Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
