why didn't you poke me back
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize