I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize