Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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