so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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