why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
