Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
