This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
