I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
