We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize