youre lurking in front of me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
