Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Houston, we have a blender
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
