dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
