sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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