"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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