After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
