apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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