Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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