I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
