the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
