I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
