HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
