You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
