I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
