That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
