I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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