hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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