It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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