I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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