And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
