we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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