Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
