She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
