We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she smelled like a LAN party
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
