just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
