Who did Billy Mays play for?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
