used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
